#3
It was fall of my sophomore year. Dorian was all I could think about. In September I made out with him. It was the first time I ever made out with someone. I liked him instantly. Unfortunately he wanted to only be friends with benefits. So I tried to get over it and got a new boyfriend. After him and I broke up I got a text from Dorian saying that he just had a bad break up and he wanted to see me. So I snuck out to see him. I went to his house and we made out. After that I was at his house every weekend. I don't know why I kept going over there. He would constantly call me fat and ugly and treated me like I was his toy. He had me wrapped around his finger. We had talked about having sex multiple times and every single time I had said no. On December 20th at around 1:30 in the morning he and I were doing our usual thing and suddenly everything changed he was moving his hips weird and I look down and saw him thrusting himself in and out of me. I freaked out I tried to push him off of me I said no and I cried but nothing I could do would stop him. He was stronger than me and he toke advantage of that. After I made the long walk home alone crying he texted me and said that he was done with me. Soon after my parents found out and I got into a lot of trouble. I was saving myself for marriage and I felt completely worthless. I grew apart from my friends and got deep into cutting and stopped eating. To this day I have 312 visible scars on my body and don't eat regularly. I've never felt good about myself since. I have nightmares constantly about that night. He still texts me and makes me feel wanted until he gets what he wants. I just can't let him go I will always love him even though he caused me pain emotionally mentally and physically. He pesters me until I go visit him again so he can take advantage of me. Sometimes I don't feel it he has his way with me then sends me home and doesn't talk to me until he is horny again. I've tried to commit suicide but it doesn't work and I get checked for new scars I'm on anti depressants all because I lost my virginity to a rapist.